The 9 Year-Old Me vs. The Rational Me


I'm going to try to make this a more light-hearted post despite the fact that deep down, the topic makes me super sad. You see, one thing that I was really looking forward to in 2013 was my brother's engagement. He's had the ring for months and had been waiting for the spring to pop the question to his amazing girlfriend. They'd been together with a few bumps in the road for what feels like forever, and I really thought when they got back together about a year-and-a-half ago that it was for real. Like meant to be. Like you can't go through a saga like theirs and not have a happy ending.
But, on New Years Eve while we were all celebrating with friends and loved ones, he was getting his heart broken. And while that is certainly not my story to tell, the way that I'm feeling about it is fair game for this dear blog of mine. Safe space and all!

So, I have to be honest. I've had some thoughts regarding this break-up and B's ex that I'm not exactly proud of...which is why we're going to play a little game called "The 9 Year-Old Me vs. the Rational Me!" Should be a blast, right!?

The 9-Year-Old Me wants to go all sister-bear and call her up to say a few choice words, making sure to highlighting all of the reasons why B is better off without her anyways (even if I'd be lying because I personally thought they were an amazing couple).

The Rational Me knows that deep down, if I did call her, I'd probably end up crying with her over the sadness of the breakup. I know she's hurting too, and I can't fault her for being honest with her feelings. I can't make her love him the way he deserves and neither can he.

The 9-Year-Old Me wanted to keep her Christmas present from my cousins that she's yet to claim. Up until yesterday it was sitting ever-so temptingly in our living room. I even texted my cousin, Kat, to see what it was...just in case! I mean, she probably didn't want that scarf and necklace anyways!

The Rational Me gave in (reluctantly) when Kyle and my brother convinced me that it would be a nice gesture to get the present to her.

The 9-Year-Old Me wants B to take tons of pics with random girls and put them on facebook, just to make her jealous! That'll show her, right!?

The Rational Me recognizes that while it may be OK to feel this way, doing something to intentionally cause pain probably isn't the best plan at the end of the day. And, she deleted her facebook account anyways, so she wouldn't see them anyways!

Can we still be friends? I promise I usually don't listen to the 9 Year-Old Me!

In all seriousness, break-ups are never easy. Whether you're the one doing the breaking up, the one being broken up with, or just the people on the outside, watching your loved one in either position. I'm praying for peace with their decisions moving forward for both my brother and her.

Hopefully, 2013 will be a good year for both of them, even if it hasn't gotten off to the best start!


  1. You're killing me, Lu. Bahahahahaha. And I can SO see you opening/trying to keep that gift for yourself!!! But seriously....I'm sad for B and hoping it'll all work out one way or another. Please give him a big hug for me!

  2. Break ups are hard! You're so right about not intentionally causing pain... I'm struggling with that now as I just want to hurt you-know-who back. But I'll be the bigger person! My heart goes out to your brother! How old is he?? ;)


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